Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Uncertainty.

I hate uncertainty. And I hate that I worry.

When I was just starting my pregnancy, I really wanted to get a fetal doppler so that I could listen to the baby's heart beat. But I told myself that if I could just hold out until 20 weeks I would be ok, because I would be able to feel her move.

I remember seeing friends of mine during their pregnancies and hearing them talk about being worried when they were obviously showing and approaching their due dates. I always thought that was so silly. I mean, once you get there, you KNOW things are going to be ok, right?

Nope. I use this website called babycenter.com. It's great for giving facts about what's going on development wise with my baby. But when you join, you get put on a "birth board" with other women due the same month as you. It's a place where you can ask questions/share stories/complain. Anyway, recently there have been a couple of posts on the "birth announcements" thread from women whose babies have been still born at around 35/36 weeks. Generally it's from cord complications. I should just not read these posts because they seriously scare me.

I hate how worried I am. I'm 35w3d pregnant. The chances of something going wrong are so small. But I just can't stop worrying. I know it's still too early for her to come, but part of me wishes she were out, just so I could watch her breathe. Does that sound dumb?

Ugh. Hopefully just a few more weeks...

5 comments:

  1. Joy. I love reading your posts because when I think of you having a baby, I absolutely know that you are going to be an amazing mom. Your daughter is going to be such a lucky little girl to be so loved by you.
    As far as worrying about the health of your precious little one. Trust in God, know that he loves her more than you, and know that I am praying for you during this time. Love you Joy, even though I haven't seen you in ages. Hope to see you and your little one soon.

    Kathryn

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  2. Can you still feel her moving/kicking you in the ribs? Did the women who lost their babies mention if they couldn't or didn't feel them anymore? I agree with Kathryn.. trust in the Lord and your little angel is so lucky to have you as her mom. Love ya!

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  3. I know exactly how you feel, but it doesn't stop after they're born. Then you have to worry about SIDS. You'll go check on her to see if she's breathing and a few times she'll be breathing so softly that you can't really see it, so your heart will start beating really fast and you'll wake her up just to be sure she's still alive. There's something new to worry about at every stage of their lives, it never ends, you just have to get used to worrying. I knew someone in my ward who's baby died of SIDS while I was pregnant, it scared me so much.

    I agree with the two previous people, you just have to trust in God. When I was 38 weeks I got an ultrasound when I found out Liam was breech, and the ultrasound showed that there was almost no amniotic fluid left. I asked the doctor what's the worst that could happen if I waited to get the c-section, he said still birth. That's why I deiced to do it immediately that day. Liam probably saved his life by being breech, because if he wasn't I would have had no reason to get an ultrasound and discover there was no amniotic fluid left. God knew exactly what he was doing.

    p.s. I use babycenter too! I'm pretty much addicted.

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  4. I agree with the other comments. You are going to be a great mom and you wouldn't be normal if you didn't worry. I remember having those fears, but do trust in God, know that you will know if something isn't right. You should always be aware of the movement. If you ever don't feel movement, drink some juice or something to get the little one moving. If that doesn't work, the doctors are always willing to see you if you are concerned. Just try not to stress, your baby can sense your stress too. There are times those kicks never feel so good as when they are reassuring you that your little one is healthy and safe. :)

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  5. Just know this......Jacob was born at this gestational age. If she decides to come now, it's ok, she'll be fine. There will be somedays in this stage where she may not move as much. Don't worry. You're weekly visits now, right? You're almost there!

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