Uncertainty.

I hate uncertainty. And I hate that I worry.

When I was just starting my pregnancy, I really wanted to get a fetal doppler so that I could listen to the baby's heart beat. But I told myself that if I could just hold out until 20 weeks I would be ok, because I would be able to feel her move.

I remember seeing friends of mine during their pregnancies and hearing them talk about being worried when they were obviously showing and approaching their due dates. I always thought that was so silly. I mean, once you get there, you KNOW things are going to be ok, right?

Nope. I use this website called babycenter.com. It's great for giving facts about what's going on development wise with my baby. But when you join, you get put on a "birth board" with other women due the same month as you. It's a place where you can ask questions/share stories/complain. Anyway, recently there have been a couple of posts on the "birth announcements" thread from women whose babies have been still born at around 35/36 weeks. Generally it's from cord complications. I should just not read these posts because they seriously scare me.

I hate how worried I am. I'm 35w3d pregnant. The chances of something going wrong are so small. But I just can't stop worrying. I know it's still too early for her to come, but part of me wishes she were out, just so I could watch her breathe. Does that sound dumb?

Ugh. Hopefully just a few more weeks...

DONE.

I'm posting this here because I really want to complain and my husband is at school. Plus this blog is all about pregnancy, so even though no one is going to want to read this, I'm posting it.

I am only 33w3d. Now, I know that means my due date is in less than 7 weeks, but it also means that I have a little over 6 weeks to go (ish...). The problem is that I am already miserable!

I'm emotional wreck since I've been on bed rest, mostly because I feel useless.
I have heartburn ALL the time.
My nausea has come back; usually in the middle of the night and in the morning.
Sleeping is almost impossible with the heartburn and constant having to pee.
My back hurts pretty much all the time, unless I'm lying in just the right position

I've been feeling this way for a little while now, so why did I decide to post about it today?

Last night:
I went to bed like normal; it was about 11 and I took some tums right as I laid down and had 4 more on my dresser for when I woke up with the horrible heart burn. 12:30 rolls around and I wake up with heart burn. Normal; I sit up, chew 2 tums and lie back down. 2 rolls around, same story, only I really had to pee, so I got up and peed and then took my 2 tums. 4 am rolls around, and if you've been counting, you know that I'm out of tums on my dresser. I woke up with heartburn and the slight urge to pee, but I really didn't feel like getting up. So, I rolled over and got the hugest wave of nausea and heartburn. I immediately sat up because of how intense the nausea was, I got up and half-ran to the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet before throwing up...whatever was in my stomach. To top it off, my bladder control isn't the greatest so I definitely peed while throwing up. Once I was done barfing, my mouth tasted awful so I rinsed/gargled with mouth wash, and then got in the shower, since I had peed all over myself. Don't forget, it's 4am. Finally, I got out and dried off. I stumbled my way back to our bed room and got on some clean clothes before getting back into bed and shivering/listening to my husband snore until I fell asleep (which I swear was at least an hour later...).

Anyway, that's my rant. I'm ready to be done. But I know I need to keep the baby in as long as I can...